I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
