btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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