Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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