He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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