it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
