I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
