I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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