she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize