Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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