Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
