I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
