i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
