They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
