i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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