There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
