And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize