Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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