watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
someone owes me an orgasm
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
