And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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