All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
