Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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