I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
