Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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