just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
