to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
