i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Randomize
