New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize