i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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