9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
