Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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