Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
