a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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