we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
