Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
