My liver just broke up with me...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize