I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
