when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
