also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i barfeds in our rink
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
