Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
