I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
