very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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