dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
