4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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