This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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