i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
