Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
