Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
