I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
