Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
