I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It's never too late to be topless.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
