Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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