No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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