I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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