Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
