I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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