I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sorry about my life...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize