thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
