I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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