the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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