i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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