i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
that is very illegal...i love you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
