Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
