She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
