I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
