4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
