Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
