And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
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