he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
