Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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