I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
