there's paper in my vomit.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize