In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
