well I can't set my house on fire every night
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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