The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
