i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
