This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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