Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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