I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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