How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
