Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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