I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
