I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
