I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize