Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
