Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
