To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I puked a lego.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Panties = found
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
