If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I think my fart just growled at me.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
