I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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