I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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