There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
FUCK WHALES
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