"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
