for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
