You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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