I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Boobs speak an international language.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
