i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
