we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
