these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
