you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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