Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
