he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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