I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
