you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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