apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
