After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
