I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
